In my last article I was in a place where I sensed God’s presence for the very first time, but I still did not know what it all meant. I was becoming increasingly aware that something different had taken place.
Let me set the stage for you; I was a visitor at this particular Bible study where I first sensed the presence of God. I had been a member of another church. I had been at my church a number of years and as I stated in my previous blog, I learned all the proper church etiquette. What I did not tell you was that I taught Sunday school, sung in the choir, and lead an out reach program for girls. I mention all of this to point out how crazy it was that I had never experienced the presence of God before visiting this Bible study I had attended.
Fast forward ahead, I gave my church a 30 day notice; nope I did not just up and leave. I went to my pastor and left the congregation that had been family to me for years, but It was not a difficult decision. I clearly heard the voice of God telling me that he had more for me to do. At this time I still did not realize how much I did not know about myself, let alone God. Even now, when I look back it amazes me how this whole journey is unfolding.
The first truth that I discovered that set me free was that God loves me with an unconditional, everlasting love, and that there is nothing I did, would do, or could ever do, that would change His love for me. He loves me and that settles it! It took some time for that to sink but I finally got it and when I got it, it really blessed me. It took so much pressure off of me. I did not feel like I was constantly walking around with a cloud hanging over my head or that God was going to jump out on me, in my mess at any time and wipe me out. I am serious, I was terrified of God before I got to know Him. Everything I had read in the Bible helped to shape my belief system; He was wiping folks out right and left, so it would appear; the truth of the matter is a whole different story for another series.
Nevertheless, when I got a hold of this truth I was happy, my happy was happy; that is the only way I can describe the joy I felt in my heart. I was eager to learn everything there was to learn about God and how I fit into His plan and what He was expecting of me. At first I did not know what I was listening out for; I was still in the learning mode. I was trying to soak up all the knowledge I could about God. The more I learned about God the more I learned how broken I was, how misguided in life I was, how much pain and suffering I had bought on myself because of the decisions I had made, knowingly and unknowingly. Trust me, I made so many mistakes, BUT GOD!!! Now was not the time for pity party; no wallowing in self-pity.
I had to put my big girl gear on and face the music. I had made a mess of things. My relationship with my family was strained. My relationship with my managers was on shaky ground. I had already reached an all-time high in the weight gain. My confidence had sunk to an all-time low. I was unstable emotionally. I was depressed. I was a reckless mess but I thought I had it going on. I thought I was handling life just fine on my own. I was doing the best I could with what I had. I was clueless. I did not realize how royally I was messing up.
Enough of that! That was then, this is now! Through a sometimes painful process I had to deal with me. I had to address my brash demeanor, my destructive behavior, my character flaws; which had an impact on everything I mentioned previously,i.e. my family, job, etc. Once I started peeling back the layers and the roots were exposed I had to allow God to heal every place that had been damaged. This helped me to build a trust relationship with God. Once I started examining myself closer and making small adjustments here and there, some more drastic than others, I started noticing how people was responding to me differently. Self-awareness is a beast! When I discovered who I was and who’s I was, my confidence went through the roof; I knew some stuff; I felt real good about my relationship with God. Everything was not perfect, but I was at peace.
This is a good place to end this week’s blog. Next week I will continue to share my journey. Proper balance in every area of our life is a must to maximize our potential. I was good with God but I had other areas of my life that I still had to confront. My peace got disturbed and my joy was challenged.
Change can be difficult at times but the process prepares us for each phase of life that we grow through. Having a right relationship with God will make all the difference.